Archive for April, 2012

Be In The Moment

by on Monday, April 23rd, 2012

Angst and stress are destroyers.  Destroyers of life force, of qi, of energy.  I have spent too much of my life focusing on a worry or the anticipation of things to come and I am here to tell you that that kind of time spent in your mind is wasteful and troublesome.  It can be so stressful on your body too. Yet it is showing up for me again.  I do not want to spend any more time focusing on the unforeseeable outcome here.  Living life and enjoying the moment is what it’s about. Joy. Love.

I am learning to shut it off.  To be in the moment is to accept all possible outcomes. Transformation and change are the only thing that are constant in our universe. Accept that. Change is the only “normal”.  Yes I don’t know the answer, I cannot possible know the future.  And I am learning that I can be ok with that.  There is enlightenment in that.

In this moment we are all on the edge of the abyss.

Strange Day

by on Monday, April 23rd, 2012

Well the day started out with a bang.  Had a uterine ultrasound this morning.  I guess I am in the process of finding out that I will be needing a hysterectomy.  My doctor is looking into the reasons for the failed procedure of last year and the main one looks like I have fibroids.  Did you know there are 600,000 hysterectomies performed every year?  At that rate you’d have to wonder that any children are born in this country at all.  Most surgeries are due to fibroid tumors which are benign.

Don’t you hate it when you go to the doctor and have some newby, or some insensitive geek performing tests on you?    This morning I had both.  The newbie spent way too much time taking pictures of one of my ovaries, then the insensitive geek came in to get it over with and coldly dismissed me offering no comment.  Even when I asked for a comment, she rudely replied that she could give no comment.  I walked out of there feeling nauseous.

Unable to shake the feeling that they had seen something terrible, I went home and looked up Ovarian cancer.  Exciting stuff there.  I have none of the risk factors. I have some of the symptoms. I am not qualified to give a self diagnosis.  I’ll wait for the doctor.

So then I did a tarot reading.  Still feeling a little queasy, I drew the Queen of disks (immediate past) the Universe ( present state) and the Death card (immediate future) HaHaHa. Am I still a little queasy?  Yes.  So the immediate past is body related.  The Queen of Disks has to do with nutrition and health.  Taking care of yourself with nutrition and exercise.  That is exactly where I  have been and am right now.  I have been paying better attention to my diet and exercising  and lifting weights.  Yeah!  Center card, the Universe has to do with state of mind and health has been my priority.  The universe card is the completion initiator.  Endings exist so something new can begin.  For me this will be removal of my female organs.  Immediate menopause, no more monthly cycles, no chance of getting pregnant. A very definate ending, and the beginning of –what?  better sex?  Freedom from the monthly menses? God yes,  I hope and I pray that it is all better from here.  So finally, the Death card shows up in my immediate future.  Of course it does, this card represents change in it’s primal form.  Endings have to occur so that beginnings can occur.  They are typically one and the same, metamorphosis and transformation.

I am feeling better already.  And I am standing on the edge of that abyss.