Archive for January, 2012

Imbolc

by on Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Pagan new year. Celebration of new beginnings and promise of spring.  Promise of awakening newness.

I was feeling so complacent in my life this month.  I was relaxed after the holidays and feeling settled in our house, which has become a home.  I was loving my work again and looking forward to the recitals this spring with a lot of new music for the kids and me: jazz, boogie and blues.  I still am.

Then last week an old friend brought up  a business idea we had together and is ready to jump on it and make it happen.  Something new and exciting, an idea that I came up with myself. That was three years ago. Three years ago I really wanted  it.  Three years ago we were an a bigger hole financially.  Three years ago I was desparate for a way out of our problems. I am working so much now though that it would be a big commitment for me and like a second job.  Is that what I want right now?  It’s a chance to expand my business and make music for the community.  A chance to help develop programs for children, teens and adults and really make a name for myself.  It is the next step if I’m not going to teach piano from my home for the rest of my life.

Imbolc.  So why do I feel so weighted down by this?  I have time, and I am not going to jump into it feeling like it isn’t the right thing for me.  Yet there are so many plusses to the idea.  Is it ultimately sabotage?

Tomorrow I clean house.  Bless the space and welcome the goddess.  I will meditate on this and clear my own mind to make way for the possibilities.

 

Entering the blogosphere(post date 8/1)

by on Friday, January 27th, 2012

We went up north this weekend, just my husband and I. Not the first time I’ve left Dylan home, but but the first time he was home for a couple of days and nights in a row.  Not a problem, I turst him and am sure he can take care of himself nad the dog who is a puddle and pathetic when I am not around ( according to accounts from my family when ever I am away) I also decided not to call my neighbor who watches what everyone does on the streetis doing.  I decided not to tell her that D might have some friends over, but not to worry.  She’ll be paying close enough attention anyway.  Didn’t want to put him more on her radar than he already is.

I had a great time!  Even left the laptop at home(no internet anyway) and forgot about work, and the kid for a couple hours both days. SURPRISE!  I can do thias!  By all accounts things went well at home, of course i’m not there yet…writing this from the car. Pretty sure the dog isn’t dead and the kid will clean up after his “party”.  Will let you know later what the reality us after arrival.

Happy and relaxed for now.

 

Telling a Story

by on Saturday, January 21st, 2012

I’ve recently begun scrap booking Dylan’s baby book.  Oh my god he was a cute kid!  Chubby at first, but we all were  on my side of the family.  I have been really enjoying doing ” scrapbooks”  which are really photo albums of course (I don’t like the word scrap) for two reasons.  One is my photo albums, especially the older ones are really a mess.  They are out of order and packed full of so many photos, not to mention that I used those sticky photo albums that are turning brown and probably not acid free. The other reason I enjoy it is that I’m telling the story of life in pictures.  That is the best part.  Or maybe the organization is the best part.

Ok so I’m an organizing queen.  I like being organized though.  Yes, I’m more than a little OCD about it.  But when I’m organized I feel good.  I can concentrate on the clutter in my head because I’m not looking at clutter.  That’s the bottom line.

Currently in my craft room I have a tall book shelf full of photo albums from my life and from Mike’s (can you say shutter bug?) And boxes of unsorted photos laying all around. Plus I recently received a case of  wine sized box of pictures and albums from Erika and an even larger box of albums and framed photos from my grandmother.  Those pictures are really treasures though.  Many are from the 40’s 50’s and 60’s or earlier.  I can’t wait to sort through those ones!  I feel like that has to be done to preserve them so they can be passed on through generations to come.  Our lives in pictures.  Organized.

Wow is it time consuming though.  It will take me a month or two to finish Dylan’s baby book, but at least his book will cover a span of several years of his life.  I’m planning on getting everything up till we moved to this state.  Unlike Erika’s baby book which was a month by month pictorial of the first 2 years of her life and at least 24 pages.  Yea, we took a few pictures of her…every day I think!  Then at least the last 5 years or so is all on digital stored on the computer.  Then what?  Do you make digital photo albums?    How do you share that?  Download to a clip to share with family?  I can’t imagine how long it would take to scan all the pics I have  so I could free up space in my house.  Ugg. Maybe someday.

So it was this thought that occurred to me in comparison with what I’m doing here.  If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been writing much less than when I began.  I noticed.  In many ways I haven’t had as much to say.  It’s more about the process than about telling a story.  Just putting that out there.  I am doing some organizing of the clutter of my mind here…it doesn’t look as bad on the outside as my craft room, and I have made some headway  in the last few months.  That is I do feel clearer in the head than I have in a long time.  Nice too have that going for me again.

I realized something else about myself too, and this relates more to the scrap booking, so there was actually a congruent thought here.  I tend to create more visually than any other medium.  In other words, I am creative, but my best work is visually appealing.  Then think about the fact that I’ve found my niche in the world teaching auditory arts.  What is difficult for me is to create auditory art.  (Do you teach what you need to learn?) Okay, and what I really want to do is create verbal art.  Branching out?  Expanding my repertoire? Looking for a little challenge here is what it is. Trying something new.  Think about it as creating mental visual pictures.  That  I can do!

2012 goals for a new year.

by on Friday, January 6th, 2012

Going out of town for the holidays has put me a couple days behind schedule. There are  a couple things I need to catch up on. First is wishing my daughter a happy 21st birthday.  It’s official, I’m old.  I’m old because she is old.  I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around it, we are celebrating tonight and I’m taking her out for a glass of wine (though I’m quite certain I’m not the first one!) then making eggrolls.  My little baby is all grown up.  She makes me so proud. I’m sure I’m going to cry, so more on this later.

Second thing I haven’t done yet is setting my New Year goals.  This is something I have been doing for only the last 4-5 years and I noticed it really helps me see what’s been important to me and what’s important in the future.  This time I noticed I had a lot of thought invested in getting our house remodeled last year,  quite possible a lot of mental stress and anxiety too.  Most of it is  done now and I find this year I’m less stressed about it and less invested in the outcome of it.  It wasn’t the first thing on my list of improvements this year even though the project is far from done.  It feels like something I have let go of on many levels.  Before writing a new list of goals, let me see what I have accomplished form last year.

 

1.  Pay down debt, Pay off car loan and $5000 to credit cards………DONE !

2.  Siding the house………..DONE !

3. Deck and garage roof………….DONE !

4. Garden below patio (this didn’t get done, but the parameters have changed since there will be a new deck where I wanted this garden. So I can cross it off the list.   ………….DONE !

5. Reading a book a month………DONE  !  Here’s what I read:  Your Oasis on Flame Lake,  Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger (I don’t recommend this one), Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett, Dedicant, So Cold The River, Witching Hour by Anne Rice, Musicophilia, By the Light of the Moon by Dean Koontz, Pride and Prejudice (yes the original,) The Little Fat Book of Chills and Thrills(short stories and poems), Twilight, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

6. Adding more bills to on-line bill paying….Done(4 now) !

So there were things on the list that I didn’t accomplish, but those things are less important to me now, or I have added them to my new list for 2012.  Funny how our priorities change.  And it’s nice to cross things off the list.  That feels really good.

So for the new year, here are my goals:

1. Physical health:  better dedication to workouts, I have become complacent and flabby.  I want to increase my endurance and strength regardless of having to walk the dog.  Dog walking is not exercise.

2. Mental Health:  Clearing away old cobwebs.  Remove obstacles and allow forgiveness to come.  What has happened in the past is past.  Forgive and let live.

3.  Book list.  This makes me happy and has become easy to achieve.  Read a book a month.  Currently finishing Kushiel’s Dart, which I started last year and didn’t finish.  Next will be Kushiel’s Avatar (3rd in the series) and I have a pile of unread books to escape into.

4.  Continue to go paperless.  I currently pay 4 bills on line, add 3 more and research going check free.  (Ugg, this will be hard, I love paper and I’m afraid that if I don’t write it down right away, I’ll forget to put it in.  So I’ll need to develope a system for this.)

5.  Put $50-100 in savings when I have a good month.

6. Plan a vacation/get away.

7.  Build a bigger garden and start composting.

8.  Finish the porch, swinging bed and all.  Rebuild Dylan’s shower too.

9.  Keep writing.

10.  Get through the year a little more ahead financially.  Saving more, spending less and paying down debt.

Off we go.

 

 

Happy New Year

by on Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Happy New Year. Is it?  Time to look at ourselves and make resolutions for the future.  Time for re-evaluation and consideration.  Ahh, and it’s already the 2nd.    I spent a good deal of time yesterday evaluating, and even sat here staring at the empty page waiting for words to come.  Ended up having a long conversation with Mike about our future/his future, because he was ready to make some changes. There were many things going through my head about the coming year because it is a very big year for us, this 2012.

1. We will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in April.  This has me thinking about our relationship status of course.  We are still solid, but are there things I’d like to be different?  Of course.  Namely, I worry about his health and well being.  I want him to quit smoking, and drink less.  I need more support in getting my workouts done in the morning, I want more support in the whole personal growth arena.  After all, I have made a commitment to grow up and I’d like some help with that.  There really isn’t anything that bugs me too much, so I find it amazing still when he is on the same page as I am.  We sat down and talked for hours yesterday about changes he wants to make personally and many of these same issues came up in reference to his own improvement.  Issues that I can be totally supportive of  so that he can grow up too, namely quitting smoking and working out lifting weights.  I will support that 100%!  We ended the conversation with a positive yes on all the “personal growth” for both of us.  Today we are making the first steps to make that happen.

2.  Dylan is leaving the nest as you may have guessed, and then we will be…what?  Able to do more?  Have fewer worries?  Have a social life?  The possibilities are huge since we’ll be able to afford to do more not having a kid at home to support.  We’ll be able to have more “alone time”  if you know what I mean.  It is going to be more than a small ripple in our lives, and we are young!  (neither of us is 50 yet!)

3. 2012.  It’s a little like the Millennium count down all over again.  I really can’t buy any of it, soothsayers across the centuries have been predicting the end of the world.  The way I see it, it’s quite possible we are in for some major changes in the coming year…In case you haven’t noticed, people across the planet are crying out for changes politically, and it seems like there will be many fiscal changes to come as well.  About time.  Well deserved and much needed.  Everything changes.  Chaos is really the only rule, we can’t control the outcome of anything.  Empires have risen and fallen throughout the history of the world so I can’t get too caught up in preserving the old. I think it’s more important than ever to live in the present.  Be conscious of what you say and how you say it (oh, remember how much I worried about that a little bit ago?) Be good to others, be kind and come from the heart.  Age of Aquarius?  Evolution?  Planetary alignment? Personal enlightenment?  If you are interested in predictions, check out December2012endofworld.com.  I found this website to contain useful information without being too one sided.  It is a pretty open minded site leaving you to draw your own conclusions and it has articles on all the prophecies and planetary predictions.

My own personal conclusion is this.  As far as world wide quakes, famine, disasters and diseases, those things are already happening all around us. (Katrina, Japan, Haiti, Islands in the Pacific and Europe). Wake up and look out the window.  The time for change and awakening is now.  There are so many ways we can all be better people.  Make it happen for you.  Make it today.  I know I am.