Archive for August, 2011

Sabotage

by on Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

Today I want to talk about sabotage.  Specifically, how I sabotage my career and my goals every day. 

            I have a litany of ideas and projects that keep me from my duties every day. I have more things that I want to start doing than I can do in a day.  And I have Plenty to do every day including teaching, practicing to keep my chops up and taking care of my family.

            I don’t know why I do it.  I’m bored maybe?  I do love a new project!  I love refreshing the place with paint or rearranging furniture.  Crazy I know.  I’ve been focusing this week on how I’m going to rearrange the house when Dylan is gone to college.  HA!  I want my studio in the basement so that I don’t have to look at work all the time.  We live in a bi-level.  Right now my studio is in the middle of the house on the upper level in the living room by the kitchen.  I have to keep the kitchen and living room clean for work…not that I wouldn’t anyway, but many times I have to especially clean the kitchen when new students come or I have recitals at home.  Ok, so what?  I would also like to be able to turn off work every now and then.  I really don’t like hanging out in the living room with my piano because then I think about work. 

            I have figured out what I want to do with furniture, but there are other issues to getting this done.  We need new carpet down there and I’ll have to get movers to come move my grand piano.  Also, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do it till Dylan is moving out.  So I have wasted a whole week focusing on the idea.  Sabotage.

            I have things I need to practice, two pieces for me and one duet I’ll be playing too.  I have newly replaced windows that need painting and a yard that needs mowing.

Is the blog sabotaging my world too?  Do I have ADD?  Or just too many interests? 

I’m quite sure teaching piano is not what I want to do when I grow up, but can I be happy with the job and the freedom and creativity it gives me?

Glass half empty or half full?

by on Saturday, August 27th, 2011

Today it’s been, am I a glass half empty or a glass half full kind of person?  Mostly glass half empty I suppose.  I looked at only black backgrounds for my blog page. 

I’m a renaissance woman.  I can do many things well, but there is nothing I can do VERY well.  I play piano, I sing, (more on that later) I cook, I garden and paint and draw when I have time make jewelry and scrapbook.  I love design, and I love singing and really love cooking. 

 I have a business idea for just about everything I can do. I’m going to start a café called the Asparagus Sandwich. I’m going to have it in my house, like piano teaching.  I did start a piano teaching business In My House.  Yeah, that’s good and bad.  I’m always working. I can’t get away form work most days.  I’ve started writing a cookbook too, mostly for my kids. I also started writing a book.  I really do love to write.

A funny thing occurred to me, I went to music school and the one big accomplishment I had at school was a paper I wrote!  I did a critique and summary of an Oingo Boingo song and my teacher wanted to keep it to post for other students as an example of How to Write a Critique.  What is really funny is now…how many years later… when I’m feeling the urge to write like crazy, I realize that writing is the one thing I did well in music school.  And I teach music for a living.

But I know music.

            I teach piano, I have about 50 students.  Glass half full.  I’m doing very well at in, in my area there seems to be a great need/desire to get children piano lessons on top of everything else they are doing.  I wish I had more time for me to practice.  I want to learn the guitar and bass.  (I’m a Tina Wheymoth wanna-be).  I would love playing bass in a band in nightclubs, jazz, or lounge music, or anything!  Ahh, but what I really want to be when I grow up…..a lounge singer.  That is my one big desire, career choice of a lifetime of music and creativity.  Weird huh?

            Problem.  Glass half empty again.  The hours I work are after school.  3pm to 8pm, 4 nights a week and Saturdays till 5 pm for people too busy on weeknights.  How, oh how could I even begin to rehearse with a band.  Don’t know. 

            Grilling steaks tonight.  Life is good.  We have started a remodel project this weekend with money we don’t have yet and the future looks bright.  Tonight, glass definitely more than half full.

To blog or not to blog

by on Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

So I have been thinking about this a lot.  Today I spent a great deal of time looking into blog hosts and free templates.  I may be up and running as soon as tomorrow!!!  I really want to do this.  Not that I need to share my personal experience with the rest of the world, beside, what does anyone really care anyway?

So for me then.  I am having important thoughts that I’d like to get down, and seems like a cool way to do it.  Done.  For me.

I hate getting older

by on Thursday, August 4th, 2011

I hate getting older.  I will not go gracefully into those dark woods.

Senior pictures

by on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

School is starting soon, Dylan’s senior year.  Senior pictures on Friday.  I’m probably going to cry.  I did when I picked Erika’s up from the photographer.  She was so beautiful!  And those are the last yearly pictures…last “growing up” pic’s…last official pictures till someone get’s married anyway.  I am not going to cry. Dylan, my little boy, my sweet little dude, the snuggly one, is going to be a senior!   I know I’m going to cry.

Do I want to be a blogger?

by on Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Do I really want to be a blogger?  I think I have enough on my plate, teaching 25 hours a week plus 5 hours of correspondence,  taking care of my boys (my hubby and D and the dog) walking the dog, working out, reading (if I get the time) and practicing piano and now guitar.  Weekends I try to get some painting on the house done, shopping and more practicing.  When is there time?  There aren’t enough hours in the day…and yet I have so much I need to say.  I guess I don’t have enough girlfriends to talk to or something.  Every day I’m coming up with more to express, expel, purge, plunge, pillage, pilfer, remove, cleanse, say, spit out, or vomit into words.  Every day!  Every day something happens that gives me new ideas for this site and continued expression. Every day I am bursting with thoughts and words.  I have never been at this point in my life before!

Do I need another reason to write?  Will others enjoy reading it?  Do I care? Yes, the hope is that someone will want to hear what I have to say eventually.  If no one felt that way there wouldn’t be any blogging to begin with.  It’s like Dear Diary…for the world to see.  Bazaar.

A brief of history

by on Monday, August 1st, 2011

I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s when women’s lib was just beginning to come to the forefront, but because there was money in my mother’s family, the girls of the family were not pushed to choose a profession or even do well in school. It came from the matriarch herself because she too was not allowed to work when others were struggling during the depression. It was sort of a given that there would always be money.  Well,  for some of them.  So pressures to do well in school and choose a career were nonexistant.

As a result,  I didn’t do so well in high school, and decided to go to a college for music.  Playing piano was the only thing I enjoyed, let alone could do well. I majored in partying.     Pretty soon I dropped out and moved to Colorado where my mom was living.  I got a part time job and met my future husband.

As it was soon evident that we were going to get married, I bought a house and began planning for our future together.  And when I had my daughter in 1991 I quit my silly job so that I could be home with her.  It was a logical decision since what I made working part time didn’t begin to cover the cost of day care, plus I could not conceive of anyone else spending the whole day with my baby!

I spent every moment with that girl and I loved it.  She was such a joy.  For almost 3 years she consumed absolutely every thought of mine …and then a son was born.  Then there were 2.  I loved parenting though and I let them try every thing. And I tried everything with them.  Children need to explore so I explored the world with them. We did infant swim classes, dance classes, art classes, preschool, soccer, ice skating, in line skating, snow skiing, water skiing, swim team and inner tubing, not to mention bike riding, piano, guitar and drum lessons, of course driver’s ed, then hockey and horseback riding.  Well, it seems like some of that is normal growing up stuff, but each event was so impactful!  My parents never did any of those things with me or my brother.  (well except for piano lessons but that was only because my grandmother taught lessons.)  I felt I was making a big difference in their lives because much of it was stuff I never did.  I was making decisions that were important to their future.  I was actually important in someone’s life!

22 years later, I feel like I’m being fired.  And here I sit with my whole life in front of me, and with out any real job qualifications that make me important to anyone else in the whole wide world.